"I Will Survive!"

OK. Here is the low down, down low, upside down gist of it all. After being abandoned, that is.

One can only take so much credit for a big giant mess. I slowly came to realize that when the mess is that big, it becomes akin to: "It takes two to Tango". Meaning - IT WASN'T ALL MY FAULT.

It was a long drawn out process to get there, but got there, I did.
I took the blame for all the mess.
I changed to suit his needs.
I bent over backwards to keep the peace.
When he left the first time, I took him back.
And started the whole process over again when that didn't work.
Until, it was done. Over. Kaput.

He left me jobless. No support. No care.

I don't know when it hit me that I would survive, but it did. I'm sooo glad about that.
I got a job. I found day care. I even argued with FmHA to get a second mortgage on the house. Ex-hubby had gotten his little ranger repo-ed and the balance that was remaining after they sold it fell back on me. I would have lost the house. A stable environment for my girls. My dad wouldn't let me live with him. No sir-ree, Bob. Not happening. Glory be, what's a woman to do? Man up is what I had to do. I had no choice but to ask for a second mortgage. At My little meeting with FmHA I was told: Quote: "It's not our policy to give second mortgages." Oh yea? After much discussion about the matter, I stood up and quietly told the young guy behind the desk - "You will give me a second mortgage. You are not putting my girls out on the street." End. Of. Discussion. Period. Elvis left the building. A few days later I got a call from this youngster. He politely told me that I could have the second mortgage. Well now, that wasn't so hard now was it? And. . . .what a relief! ! !

My road was not easy, but it was rewarding most of the time. I did what I had to do to ensure that my girls would also survive. I didn't like always being strong - worrying about finances, food, clothes, bills. There were flat tires and dark stormy nights with little girls. There were tears, loneliness, busyness and one tired mama. I hated it and I loved it. It was my burden of responsibility and I would carry it.

It didn't hurt that the song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor came out then. I think it helped pull me thru. It was my "pep talk". It was before I knew the Lord as my personal saviour. But, I can honestly say, when I look back, God had my back. He was patiently waiting for me.

And, Bob came along and things got easier. Much easier. But, that's another story.